Praise be. The wardrobe doors are no longer brooding mahogany beasts, but have been lovingly transformed into sleek New England-style shutters. The bedroom looks about 50 times bigger, and light is no longer sucked mercilessly into a wardrobe-sized hole.
Next on my list: dark red hallway walls. This house will be shorn of Lawrence Llewelyn-Bowen/Liberace affectation if it kills me. Although I might keep the chandeliers.
One coat paint.
Doesn't do what it says on the tin.